Self-Flagellation As A Pastime Activity

I watch a lot of movies. I watch a lot of tv on dvd because I like watching stuff all bunched up together. I watch too much tv, I admit. Last night I couldn't sleep so I watched The Da Vinci Code. This was the second time I attempted to watch this movie...this time I actually made it through to the end. The book was better, but I digress.

I'm sitting there watching that creepy monk-dude Silas beat the sh!t out of himself with a cat o'nine tails or whatever it is and thinking "Man, that's stupid." Today as I was beating myself up about something (as I often do, more than once a day) and I realized I was a practitioner of that creepy ritual. Not physically, of course, but mentally. Man, that's stupid.

Now, I know we all do this from time to time, but I have a highly specialized habit of setting expectations way too high just so I can come up short and beat myself up about it. I also like to think for other people so they can help me. By this I mean I somehow astrally project myself into someone else's mind and find all the horrible things they think about me - how I look, how I act, how I manifest some weird personal tic. Why beat up myself by myself. I can get someone else in on the action, too. It's a party!

Let's take roll call, shall we, of the top contenders in the litany of self-flagellation:

I'm fat.
I'm mean.
I'm impatient.
I'm lazy.
I'm stupid.
I'm not emotionally available.


I've been having "a long talk with Self" as my dear friend calls it and decided that after 35 years, it's time to break this habit. These tapes, as my therapist calls them, are worn out and have been unpopular for quite some time now. So unpopular, in fact, they are actually on vinyl.

The New Philosophy

This brings us to HT's new philosophy for the second half of this lifetime program (not to be confused with programs on Lifetime: TV for Women in Constant Distress): The "More Often Than Not" philosophy. In this philosophy, if I am doing something good for myself more often than not, I'm not allowed to beat myself up about it. For instance:

I'm fat : Well, guess what, lady, you're not the only one and you didn't get here overnight. So as long as you are eating healthy and exercising more often than not, you don't get to crap on yourself about this anymore.

I'm mean: Yeah, well, we all have our moments. As long as they are just moments and not a steady stream of anti-social outward behavior, you're not that bad.

You get the drift.

This does lead me to wonder what I am going to do with all the extra time on my hands now that I can't engage in self-flagellation as a pastime activity.