So You Work With Computers

This is what people say when I tell them what I do. Yes, I work with computers...or should I say I work ON computers. But that isn't what my job is really about. And sometimes I wonder if I have any business at all in this career field.

For those of you playing the home version, I work in Technology Support. Sounds like I support technology, doesn't it? No, I support people who, in many cases, have no business getting close to anything more complex than a pocket calculator. I really try very hard not to be that stereotypical support person...the guy on SNL that spits technology gobbeldygook at you for two minutes then gets irritated by the blank look on your face and demands you "mmmoooooove." I understand you all don't have a background in technology and for some of you, it's a new and scary world of things you can't/won't/don't understand. I really do try to hold on to that, but sometimes it's very hard.

My patience is especially thin when people are given explicit direction and decide to take the complete opposite path anyway. Not only do they have no remorse for what they've done (practically on purpose), but have little patience when the fix for their ill-conceived problem takes more than 30 seconds.

The company I work for (we'll call them XYZ Co.) uses Instant Messenging as a big part of communication. It's great because you don't have to stop what you are doing to answer the phone. You can continue playing solitaire and surfing stock prices while you are helping a customer. (I don't do that mind you, but I know there are those out there that do.) My company is big on IM etiquette, and etiquette in general, so for the most part, people check to see if you have a moment before they spend half an hour typing out a monologue of their most recent problem at at whopping 6 w.p.m. I'm sure I'll have a rant on that some other time. Movin' on...

XYZ is in the tax preparation business (among other business lines) and instead of bothering the people who have to work on client-related issues that help put food on the table and Luis Vutton bags on our arms, they have graciously offered to reimburse us for the cost of tax preparation software. They sent out an email to everyone stating that along with the explicit instruction that the aformentioned tax prep software IS NOT TO BE LOADED ONTO COMPANY COMPUTERS. This is because we (not me personally, but the big dudes higher up and farther away) build the set of programs that are loaded onto the PCs and rigorously test them to ensure they all play well together. Introducing something new and untested into that controlled environment is not recommended and is called breaking the loadset. This is bad. Very bad.

User: "Hi, HT."
Me: "Hi, User."
User: "I got the blue screen this morning."

For those of who somehow have not had the pleasure of having a Windows-based operating system, the user is referring to the BSOD - Blue Screen of Death. You get this when there is something horribly and irreparably wrong with your computer. Or whenever it feels like giving you a mild cardiac event for absolutely no reason at all.

Me: "Sorry to hear that. Have there been any changes to your system lately?"
User: "No."

I then spend the time explaining to User how to help me help her by capturing the exact message the BSOD is giving her instead of it rebooting seemingly inexplicably.

User: "Oh, I installed ________ (insert favorite tax preparation software du jour here). Do you think that might be the problem?"

This means User read the memo that outlined the reimbursement policy, probably figured out the reimbursement code for her expense report and chose to ignore the part that said DO NOT LOAD SOFTWARE ONTO YOUR COMPANY COMPUTER.

*sigh*