Yesterday was my last day of work. To say I'm happy and relieved would be an understatement. It did seem sort of weird to say "See you in six months or so." It's actually closer to seven, but I didn't want to freak people out too much.
The contractor dude is a walking disaster. My boss has been in town the last couple days and even she doesn't like him much. I feel a little guilty about leaving everyone in his incompetent hands, but they'll deal and my health is more important.
I had a bit of a dizzy spell yesterday. It's been very humid and I was taking stuff out to my car from my office. Lucy's really making a home for herself in my upper abdomen, taking up lung and stomach space. No wonder I lost four pounds in two weeks. I eat breakfast and lunch and I feel like I'm still digesting it at dinner time. Maybe I should switch to high calorie foods. Maybe an all ice cream diet?
Who would have thought I'd get pregnant and LOSE weight. Almost six pounds total the whole pregnancy. Doctor doesn't seem to be too worried, but cautioned about the four pound loss being a continuing trend. Lucy gained a pound this last month, though.
So it's me and the baby room and the house for the next six weeks. Lucy's room looks like a baby store threw up in it. I have loads and loads of laundry to do and little organizational tasks to accomplish around the house. I guess this is nesting.
9.29.2007
9.22.2007
It's Raining Love
Sounds cheesy, doesn't it? But it's the way I feel right now. I had my work baby shower yesterday and my friends/family shower today and I can't believe how cared for I feel right now. The folks at work were absolutely lovely. They've been very supportive throughout the pregnancy and threw a really nice shower. Today I got to see my friends all in one place at one time, old friends and new ones, and we had a wonderful time. Friends and family far away were also there in spirit. My mom was totally in her element and I just sat back and let her have at it.
I'm absolutely exhausted from today and yesterday, but I go to bed feeling really warm and fuzzy. And I'm not prone to that kinds of mushy crap normally.
I'm absolutely exhausted from today and yesterday, but I go to bed feeling really warm and fuzzy. And I'm not prone to that kinds of mushy crap normally.
9.12.2007
We Have a Winner
My "real" boss returned from Maternity Leave the Tuesday after Labor Day. I had a convo with her about the option that the doc is giving me to stop working. Told her I'd picked October 1st as my effective date. No less than two days later, the ball was definitely in motion. Three days later, the contractor who will be filling in for me was identified.
When I started this job 15 months ago, there had been a contractor filling in while they went through their 6+ month hiring process (and my 8+ job interviews ... yes 8+ interviews for THIS JOB). He sort of trained me, although I got to spend a couple of weeks on the mainland working at different offices and doing the orientation thing. I was underwhelmed with him as a IT person, to be honest, but he got the job done during the interim. Ok, he got about 25% of the job done. He didn't get access to a lot of things so he was doing the bare minimum.
During the conversation with my boss, I mentioned that this guy might still be out there, doing temp jobs and contract work. I had serious reservations that he had found full time employment over a year later, because honestly, I wouldn't find him employable as a permanent IT person. Not saying I'm hot sh!t...but compared to me (and my IT counterparts) he's less than stellar.
Whaddaya know? She contacted the staffing company and lo and behold, he's available. Imagine that. So, next Monday he's coming in to start our two week training/turnover. I don't think he has any idea what he's getting himself into. They gave him just enough information to get by last time. This time, he's has to BE me...with access to databases and other resources he didn't have before. With more responsibility and expectations than before. Lord help me. Or maybe, Lord help him.
I hear he's been trying to find a gig similar to this one for awhile. As I remember it, he actually applied for the job, but either applied too late or they just said that to not hurt his feelings. We'll see how tasty he thinks this job is after he has to really do it himself.
Today I saw the OB and before I could bring it up she asked if I had made a decision about work. I handed her the paperwork and asked her to make it effective Oct. 1. I called the STD people today and opened the claim. This is really going to happen. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I think I found one of the best companies to be pregnant at -other than one in Canada or Australia, where they give you 12+ months off for maternity leave.
I'm so tired and worn out though. Really looking forward to some rest before my entire life changes forever.
When I started this job 15 months ago, there had been a contractor filling in while they went through their 6+ month hiring process (and my 8+ job interviews ... yes 8+ interviews for THIS JOB). He sort of trained me, although I got to spend a couple of weeks on the mainland working at different offices and doing the orientation thing. I was underwhelmed with him as a IT person, to be honest, but he got the job done during the interim. Ok, he got about 25% of the job done. He didn't get access to a lot of things so he was doing the bare minimum.
During the conversation with my boss, I mentioned that this guy might still be out there, doing temp jobs and contract work. I had serious reservations that he had found full time employment over a year later, because honestly, I wouldn't find him employable as a permanent IT person. Not saying I'm hot sh!t...but compared to me (and my IT counterparts) he's less than stellar.
Whaddaya know? She contacted the staffing company and lo and behold, he's available. Imagine that. So, next Monday he's coming in to start our two week training/turnover. I don't think he has any idea what he's getting himself into. They gave him just enough information to get by last time. This time, he's has to BE me...with access to databases and other resources he didn't have before. With more responsibility and expectations than before. Lord help me. Or maybe, Lord help him.
I hear he's been trying to find a gig similar to this one for awhile. As I remember it, he actually applied for the job, but either applied too late or they just said that to not hurt his feelings. We'll see how tasty he thinks this job is after he has to really do it himself.
Today I saw the OB and before I could bring it up she asked if I had made a decision about work. I handed her the paperwork and asked her to make it effective Oct. 1. I called the STD people today and opened the claim. This is really going to happen. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I think I found one of the best companies to be pregnant at -other than one in Canada or Australia, where they give you 12+ months off for maternity leave.
I'm so tired and worn out though. Really looking forward to some rest before my entire life changes forever.
8.29.2007
To Work or Not to Work
Just came back from my OB appointment. Apparently fluid retention is causing me to have carpal tunnel syndrome, which is why my hands have been killing me lately.
The last time I saw her I said something to her about how tired I am, she told me to take a nap. I gave her a dirty look and told her I didn't see how that was feasible, given the fact that I am AT WORK all day.
Today she asked me how long I planned on working. I told her I didn't know, but my company has pretty decent STD benefits. She told me to let her know when I wanted to stop working and she'd write me off. She said she could do it right now because of the hypertension, anemia, carpal tunnel, my high riskedness (not a word, I made that up), etc. I told her I would think about it. I guess I will have to call Leave Management tomorrow and see what they can tell me. I figure by the end of the September, I'm going to be begging to stay home.
I feel bad all the time, the anemia makes me so tired and the sleep deprivation makes me mentally worthless. My job is fairly easy (I think people are taking it easy on me on purpose), so I don't know if I should just stick it out til mid or late October. I should have asked the doc about a reduced schedule. I'll make sure to ask Leave Management about that tomorrow. And see what kind of a pay hit I'd be taking. I find it hard to justify going out this early with the baby doing so well. If it were affecting her, I'd go out in a flash, but it's just me and my whining right now.
Other than that, she said the report on my NST looks good. Lucy did her usual "run away from the doppler wand" but we finally pegged her down.
Ultrasound on Friday. This will be the first time I go to an ultrasound on my own. My mom is off island and my husband is working. My dad isn't really interested in seeing the inner workings of my uterus real time. I have another NST before that, so it's going to be a long visit, anyway.
The last time I saw her I said something to her about how tired I am, she told me to take a nap. I gave her a dirty look and told her I didn't see how that was feasible, given the fact that I am AT WORK all day.
Today she asked me how long I planned on working. I told her I didn't know, but my company has pretty decent STD benefits. She told me to let her know when I wanted to stop working and she'd write me off. She said she could do it right now because of the hypertension, anemia, carpal tunnel, my high riskedness (not a word, I made that up), etc. I told her I would think about it. I guess I will have to call Leave Management tomorrow and see what they can tell me. I figure by the end of the September, I'm going to be begging to stay home.
I feel bad all the time, the anemia makes me so tired and the sleep deprivation makes me mentally worthless. My job is fairly easy (I think people are taking it easy on me on purpose), so I don't know if I should just stick it out til mid or late October. I should have asked the doc about a reduced schedule. I'll make sure to ask Leave Management about that tomorrow. And see what kind of a pay hit I'd be taking. I find it hard to justify going out this early with the baby doing so well. If it were affecting her, I'd go out in a flash, but it's just me and my whining right now.
Other than that, she said the report on my NST looks good. Lucy did her usual "run away from the doppler wand" but we finally pegged her down.
Ultrasound on Friday. This will be the first time I go to an ultrasound on my own. My mom is off island and my husband is working. My dad isn't really interested in seeing the inner workings of my uterus real time. I have another NST before that, so it's going to be a long visit, anyway.
8.24.2007
Say Whaa???
The company I work for is global. My actual "home team" is the LA office, that's where my bosses and my manager sit. I'm just floating out here in the middle of the ocean by myself, enjoying the peace and quiet of not having any one constantly looking over my shoulder.
Anyway, once a week we have Team Meetings. These Team Meetings are run by my "fake" boss since my real boss is out on maternity leave. When my real boss ran the show, I was normally done with the meeting inside half an hour. The "fake" boss drags these things out for an hour and half. Mostly because she's introduced "Teaming Presentations" where someone has to present something in 15 minutes. Anything. Doesn't have to be work related or the least bit relevant to anyone's life. We've had some doozies, let me tell ya. And they ALWAYS go longer than 15 minutes. I now know more than I ever wanted to about fun things like cricket and street basketball and the mating habits of killer bees from Africa.
Today was my turn. I presented on hypertension and pregnancy. You know that one guy in every office that is a know it all? We have one of those and he stated in the middle of my presentation that he was SURE he had the answer to what causes pre-eclampsia. This was after repeatedly interrupting me to add on to whatever I was discussing at the time and starting a lively debate (is it a debate if he's the only one talking?) about beta blockers as a treatment for hypertension. Hmm, I don't remember anyone doing that to him while he was giving his presentation on the benefits of homeschooling...oh wait, we were all asleep.
He declares that he will "touch base" with me after the meeting is over as his information was highly personal in nature. Umm...ok. By the time the HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTE MEETING was over (not due to me running long, by the way) I'd totally forgotten about his self-proclaimed answer to the question that medical science has been trying to answer forever.
My phone rang and displayed an Unknown Number. Lovely. It was him. He said he had something very important and personal to discuss with me and proceeded to tell me about the research he'd done some 13 years or so ago when his wife was pregnant with his son/daughter (I forget which). He continued talking and declared that the cause of pre-eclampsia was....barrier contraception methods. He stated that the womb treats the fertilized egg as a parasite at implantation when barrier methods (sponge, spermicide, condom, etc.) were used. I could tell that he was trying to figure out a way to ask me what method of contraception was I using when I became pregnant. Seems to me if you are using contraception and you get pregnant anyway, you got bigger issues. He apologized for being personal. I said "obviously we both know I was having sex or I wouldn't be pregnant in the first place." Do you know it is totally possible to sense someone blushing over the phone? I'm pretty sure he did.
Those of you who know me well know I'm an information gatherer. So I set about researching his claim. Hmm...seems that is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what the Journal of the American Medical Association has determined. And the Graduate School of Public Health, University of Pittsburgh.
Maybe his conclusion was true 13 years ago. Maybe there are still institutions out there who stand behind that conclustion. Maybe things have changed in the last decade and a half. Who knows? I just find it incredibly creepy that a co-worker that I hardly know and have never even met face to face just called me to inquire as to the type of contraception I was using before I conceived.
Is this part of the "pregnant women are part of the public domain" phenomenon?
Anyway, once a week we have Team Meetings. These Team Meetings are run by my "fake" boss since my real boss is out on maternity leave. When my real boss ran the show, I was normally done with the meeting inside half an hour. The "fake" boss drags these things out for an hour and half. Mostly because she's introduced "Teaming Presentations" where someone has to present something in 15 minutes. Anything. Doesn't have to be work related or the least bit relevant to anyone's life. We've had some doozies, let me tell ya. And they ALWAYS go longer than 15 minutes. I now know more than I ever wanted to about fun things like cricket and street basketball and the mating habits of killer bees from Africa.
Today was my turn. I presented on hypertension and pregnancy. You know that one guy in every office that is a know it all? We have one of those and he stated in the middle of my presentation that he was SURE he had the answer to what causes pre-eclampsia. This was after repeatedly interrupting me to add on to whatever I was discussing at the time and starting a lively debate (is it a debate if he's the only one talking?) about beta blockers as a treatment for hypertension. Hmm, I don't remember anyone doing that to him while he was giving his presentation on the benefits of homeschooling...oh wait, we were all asleep.
He declares that he will "touch base" with me after the meeting is over as his information was highly personal in nature. Umm...ok. By the time the HOUR AND FORTY FIVE MINUTE MEETING was over (not due to me running long, by the way) I'd totally forgotten about his self-proclaimed answer to the question that medical science has been trying to answer forever.
My phone rang and displayed an Unknown Number. Lovely. It was him. He said he had something very important and personal to discuss with me and proceeded to tell me about the research he'd done some 13 years or so ago when his wife was pregnant with his son/daughter (I forget which). He continued talking and declared that the cause of pre-eclampsia was....barrier contraception methods. He stated that the womb treats the fertilized egg as a parasite at implantation when barrier methods (sponge, spermicide, condom, etc.) were used. I could tell that he was trying to figure out a way to ask me what method of contraception was I using when I became pregnant. Seems to me if you are using contraception and you get pregnant anyway, you got bigger issues. He apologized for being personal. I said "obviously we both know I was having sex or I wouldn't be pregnant in the first place." Do you know it is totally possible to sense someone blushing over the phone? I'm pretty sure he did.
Those of you who know me well know I'm an information gatherer. So I set about researching his claim. Hmm...seems that is the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of what the Journal of the American Medical Association has determined. And the Graduate School of Public Health, University of Pittsburgh.
Maybe his conclusion was true 13 years ago. Maybe there are still institutions out there who stand behind that conclustion. Maybe things have changed in the last decade and a half. Who knows? I just find it incredibly creepy that a co-worker that I hardly know and have never even met face to face just called me to inquire as to the type of contraception I was using before I conceived.
Is this part of the "pregnant women are part of the public domain" phenomenon?
8.05.2007
The Latest
I had a regular OB appt and an ultrasound appointment this week.
Lucy, as usual, was being totally uncooperative during picture taking. This time she had BOTH arms up and crossed in front of her face. She's starting to look like an actual baby on the 3d ones (what we could see of her). Her head is by my belly button and her body goes along the left side of my belly. When she wasn't crossing her arms, she was playing with her toes, sucking her thumb or making fishy faces. We got a picture where you can see her little tiny fingers on top of her little tiny toes. She's measuring in the 71st percentile (whatever that means) at 2lbs 4oz.
In three weeks, I start weekly stress tests. They assume my pressure will start creeping up then. I'm to take my bp at home/work 3x a day and write it down. I will bring my bp monitor in on the next visit so they can calibrate it with theirs, since it's a little off every time. If the bottom number goes over 90, we got issues and 2x weekly stress tests. There's talk of increasing my bp meds. I'm so scared about this because I get conflicting information from the internet about what I'm on. I hope I'm not hurting my Lucy.
During one of the 3d views, I saw what looked like testicles between her legs. I flipped out. So they showed me her girl parts. On 3d they actually look like girl parts. None of this "see the 3 lines" crap that I didn't believe.
Friday she got her first case of the hiccups (that I had felt anyway). It's freaky to see my boobs moving of their own accord, so I got up to walk around. When I'm standing up, she's not right under my ribs. OB started fundal height measurements this week, which I thought was hilarious, given my ampleness in the midsection.
Lucy, as usual, was being totally uncooperative during picture taking. This time she had BOTH arms up and crossed in front of her face. She's starting to look like an actual baby on the 3d ones (what we could see of her). Her head is by my belly button and her body goes along the left side of my belly. When she wasn't crossing her arms, she was playing with her toes, sucking her thumb or making fishy faces. We got a picture where you can see her little tiny fingers on top of her little tiny toes. She's measuring in the 71st percentile (whatever that means) at 2lbs 4oz.
In three weeks, I start weekly stress tests. They assume my pressure will start creeping up then. I'm to take my bp at home/work 3x a day and write it down. I will bring my bp monitor in on the next visit so they can calibrate it with theirs, since it's a little off every time. If the bottom number goes over 90, we got issues and 2x weekly stress tests. There's talk of increasing my bp meds. I'm so scared about this because I get conflicting information from the internet about what I'm on. I hope I'm not hurting my Lucy.
During one of the 3d views, I saw what looked like testicles between her legs. I flipped out. So they showed me her girl parts. On 3d they actually look like girl parts. None of this "see the 3 lines" crap that I didn't believe.
Friday she got her first case of the hiccups (that I had felt anyway). It's freaky to see my boobs moving of their own accord, so I got up to walk around. When I'm standing up, she's not right under my ribs. OB started fundal height measurements this week, which I thought was hilarious, given my ampleness in the midsection.
7.30.2007
My Husband the Brainiac
About a month ago, as DH (dear husband) and I lay in bed reading baby books, he turned to me and said, "I think you're anemic."
"Why?" I asked him, wondering if my hypochondriacal tendencies had rubbed off on him.
"Your nail beds are purple."
"Umm hmmm," I said, basically blowing him off.
From time to time he'd check my nail beds when he thought I wasn't looking. I really wasn't paying any attention to him, being diverted by more pressing issues like not sleeping, pregnesia, and worrying about getting butt grapes.
This past Saturday, I went in for my Glucose screening. It basically consists of drinking what I had heard was a nasty concoction, sitting around the waiting room for an hour and getting blood drawn at the end of the hour. The blood is then tested for diabetes, which many women develop while they are pregnant. Especially when they start out overweight, like me. My OB said results should be back within a week.
So, I go check in for this test...hand over my insurance cards and sign on the dotted line. The technician asks me what type of solution do I want.
Me: "What are my options?"
Him: "We have a orange cola-like drink and one that is a bit like Sprite."
Me (totally thinking he would be no help at all): "Well, have YOU tasted them?"
Him: "Yes, they make us try it."
Me: "Ok, what's your recommendation, then?" like he is some type of sommelier.
Him: "Personally, I like the Sprite one."
I was waiting for him to tell me it should be optimally paired with a fish or fowl selection, probably because I had been fasting for the last 12 hours and Lucy was getting cranky (aka kicking the crap out of me from the inside). He kindly served me my six ounces of liquid sugar in a dixie cup. (What? No wine glass?)
I drank the Sprite-like solution at a full gulp (remember, hadn't eaten in 12 hours). I think it tasted like Sprite, but was a little more...viscous. I proceeded to fiddle with my iPod for an hour killing time and at the end of my wait gave my required pint of blood. (Ok, I'm being a little over dramatic, it was just two vials.)What I didn't realize was what the second vial of blood was for. Didn't really care, just wanted to eat some darn breakfast already!
This afternoon my OB called with my results. Apparently, they tell you a week so you can be better blindsided when the results come back early. The good news is that I do not have Gestational Diabetes. Hooray!
The bad news is...I'm anemic. I guess I should have listened to Hubby, huh? Now I have to take iron supplements (read: constant constipation). Just when I thought I was going to avoid the butt grapes....
"Why?" I asked him, wondering if my hypochondriacal tendencies had rubbed off on him.
"Your nail beds are purple."
"Umm hmmm," I said, basically blowing him off.
From time to time he'd check my nail beds when he thought I wasn't looking. I really wasn't paying any attention to him, being diverted by more pressing issues like not sleeping, pregnesia, and worrying about getting butt grapes.
This past Saturday, I went in for my Glucose screening. It basically consists of drinking what I had heard was a nasty concoction, sitting around the waiting room for an hour and getting blood drawn at the end of the hour. The blood is then tested for diabetes, which many women develop while they are pregnant. Especially when they start out overweight, like me. My OB said results should be back within a week.
So, I go check in for this test...hand over my insurance cards and sign on the dotted line. The technician asks me what type of solution do I want.
Me: "What are my options?"
Him: "We have a orange cola-like drink and one that is a bit like Sprite."
Me (totally thinking he would be no help at all): "Well, have YOU tasted them?"
Him: "Yes, they make us try it."
Me: "Ok, what's your recommendation, then?" like he is some type of sommelier.
Him: "Personally, I like the Sprite one."
I was waiting for him to tell me it should be optimally paired with a fish or fowl selection, probably because I had been fasting for the last 12 hours and Lucy was getting cranky (aka kicking the crap out of me from the inside). He kindly served me my six ounces of liquid sugar in a dixie cup. (What? No wine glass?)
I drank the Sprite-like solution at a full gulp (remember, hadn't eaten in 12 hours). I think it tasted like Sprite, but was a little more...viscous. I proceeded to fiddle with my iPod for an hour killing time and at the end of my wait gave my required pint of blood. (Ok, I'm being a little over dramatic, it was just two vials.)What I didn't realize was what the second vial of blood was for. Didn't really care, just wanted to eat some darn breakfast already!
This afternoon my OB called with my results. Apparently, they tell you a week so you can be better blindsided when the results come back early. The good news is that I do not have Gestational Diabetes. Hooray!
The bad news is...I'm anemic. I guess I should have listened to Hubby, huh? Now I have to take iron supplements (read: constant constipation). Just when I thought I was going to avoid the butt grapes....
7.19.2007
Drugs Are My Friend
Ok, not all drugs.
I've been suffering from serious insomnia for about 2 weeks now. Pretty much started after my last OB appointment.
I didn't go to work yesterday because I didn't sleep the night before. Falling asleep while at stop lights is not my idea of fun.
I went to my OB yesterday. Lucy's heartbeat is down to 145 from 150. I was freaking out about this til I read a friend's post about it getting closer to 120bpm as we get closer to delivering. Lucy was full-on kicking at the doppler wand.
Blood pressure holding steady at 120/80 - even though I had some salty jambalaya the night before. I thought for sure that would skew it up.
I talked to my OB about the not sleeping and she gave me a prescription for Ambien, with the caveat to use it sparingly. What the heck does that mean?? When I was filling the prescription, I didn't agree to generic (I blame the lack of sleep) and came back with a whopping bill for $130! Whoa. Generic, please. Since I am double insured (employer and military dependent) that got it down to free. Works for me.
So I took this Ambien last night. I really had reservations about it, but my god, how long can I go w/out sleeping? It didn't make me loopy or feel like I was in a coma all night, but I did get a solid night of sleep. Only woke up once to pee. I think I could have slept another couple hours, but I had to get up and come to work. It didn't leave me feeling groggy or loopy in the morning either and I actually feel like a human being again today. I think I'll take one tonight and then give it a rest a couple nights. I don't want to get hooked on it.
Funny how a good night's sleep can make you feel almost positive again.
I lost three pounds in two weeks because of this stupid insomnia. After researching Ambien on the web, I will only use it when I have to and not at all in the third trimester. Hopefully the insomnia will go away by then. I know not everyone agrees with taking drugs while pregnant. But a non-functioning zombie mommy isn't that great either.
I've been suffering from serious insomnia for about 2 weeks now. Pretty much started after my last OB appointment.
I didn't go to work yesterday because I didn't sleep the night before. Falling asleep while at stop lights is not my idea of fun.
I went to my OB yesterday. Lucy's heartbeat is down to 145 from 150. I was freaking out about this til I read a friend's post about it getting closer to 120bpm as we get closer to delivering. Lucy was full-on kicking at the doppler wand.
Blood pressure holding steady at 120/80 - even though I had some salty jambalaya the night before. I thought for sure that would skew it up.
I talked to my OB about the not sleeping and she gave me a prescription for Ambien, with the caveat to use it sparingly. What the heck does that mean?? When I was filling the prescription, I didn't agree to generic (I blame the lack of sleep) and came back with a whopping bill for $130! Whoa. Generic, please. Since I am double insured (employer and military dependent) that got it down to free. Works for me.
So I took this Ambien last night. I really had reservations about it, but my god, how long can I go w/out sleeping? It didn't make me loopy or feel like I was in a coma all night, but I did get a solid night of sleep. Only woke up once to pee. I think I could have slept another couple hours, but I had to get up and come to work. It didn't leave me feeling groggy or loopy in the morning either and I actually feel like a human being again today. I think I'll take one tonight and then give it a rest a couple nights. I don't want to get hooked on it.
Funny how a good night's sleep can make you feel almost positive again.
I lost three pounds in two weeks because of this stupid insomnia. After researching Ambien on the web, I will only use it when I have to and not at all in the third trimester. Hopefully the insomnia will go away by then. I know not everyone agrees with taking drugs while pregnant. But a non-functioning zombie mommy isn't that great either.
7.06.2007
Whew!
Night before last I couldn't sleep because I kept counting weeks and trying to figure out when week 30 was. (Kinda hard to do in the dark when you're in bed half asleep.) I thought 30 weeks was when they were going to make me go off my blood pressure medicine. I talked to my OB yesterday and she looked at me like I was nuts. She told me I wasn't going off the meds at any point. I'm going to double check with the perinatologist, but if that's the case, I'm feeling much better. I may even carry to term!
6.28.2007
Halfway There
I’m halfway there. As of this past Tuesday (6/26/07), I am at 20 weeks, with 20 weeks to go. You’re probably saying “Hey, wait, that’s 10 months!?” Yes, that’s right. The nine months thing is misunderstood. You actually don’t come to term until the end of the ninth month.
So far, everything is progressing nicely. My bp was down to a normal 120/80 at my last ob/gyn appointment -much jubilation all around. It probably helped that they took the blood pressure before the excitement that day. Let me tell you about that.
My OB is normally very punctual. I’ve never had to wait more than 10 minutes past my appointment time, with the exception of the first time I visited. As I walked into the office that day, Dr. was at the front desk on the phone…
“Yes? Really? Well, I have 2 more patients I’d like to finish up with before I head over. Do you think I have 20 minutes? Ok. Call me back.”
Dr. asked that I hurry along and do my usual routine – bp, weight and PIAC (pee in a cup) and her assistant put me into an exam room to wait. There was another woman to be seen before me. I heard the Dr. go into her room. About two minutes later, the receptionist comes running down the hall…
“Dr.! Dr.! The head is crowning. You must go now!”
She pokes her head in my room and apologizes for having to rush off. And poof! She was out the door.
I sat there for 10 minutes or so wondering what to do. Finally I wandered into the waiting area where her assistant told me the Dr. had asked that I wait. As the head was already crowning, the Dr. predicted that she would be back in about an hour.
I hadn’t gone into work that morning because I wasn’t feeling well. My husband had duty that night, so it wasn’t like I had anything else to do. So I waited.
An hour and 10 minutes later she was back. I can only hope my labor goes that quickly and smoothly.
As a high risk pregnancy, I’ll be going in for another ultrasound tomorrow. Since I had some doubts about the whole girl thing (I didn’t really “see” the girl parts myself, I just believed them), it will be good to get some confirmation before we start painting rooms and buying stuff.
I found this link to be really interesting - and explained a lot about the aches and pains I'd been having: http://www.pennhealth.com/health_info/pregnancy/9monthmiracle/tools/fetaltool.html
So far, everything is progressing nicely. My bp was down to a normal 120/80 at my last ob/gyn appointment -much jubilation all around. It probably helped that they took the blood pressure before the excitement that day. Let me tell you about that.
My OB is normally very punctual. I’ve never had to wait more than 10 minutes past my appointment time, with the exception of the first time I visited. As I walked into the office that day, Dr. was at the front desk on the phone…
“Yes? Really? Well, I have 2 more patients I’d like to finish up with before I head over. Do you think I have 20 minutes? Ok. Call me back.”
Dr. asked that I hurry along and do my usual routine – bp, weight and PIAC (pee in a cup) and her assistant put me into an exam room to wait. There was another woman to be seen before me. I heard the Dr. go into her room. About two minutes later, the receptionist comes running down the hall…
“Dr.! Dr.! The head is crowning. You must go now!”
She pokes her head in my room and apologizes for having to rush off. And poof! She was out the door.
I sat there for 10 minutes or so wondering what to do. Finally I wandered into the waiting area where her assistant told me the Dr. had asked that I wait. As the head was already crowning, the Dr. predicted that she would be back in about an hour.
I hadn’t gone into work that morning because I wasn’t feeling well. My husband had duty that night, so it wasn’t like I had anything else to do. So I waited.
An hour and 10 minutes later she was back. I can only hope my labor goes that quickly and smoothly.
As a high risk pregnancy, I’ll be going in for another ultrasound tomorrow. Since I had some doubts about the whole girl thing (I didn’t really “see” the girl parts myself, I just believed them), it will be good to get some confirmation before we start painting rooms and buying stuff.
I found this link to be really interesting - and explained a lot about the aches and pains I'd been having: http://www.pennhealth.com/health_info/pregnancy/9monthmiracle/tools/fetaltool.html
6.07.2007
Twice a Month Dr. Appts.
I mentioned before that I am considered a high risk pregnancy. I don't feel high risk most of the time (unless you count my driving habits), but I have that label because:
- I'm overweight
- I'm over 35
- I have hypertension (high blood pressure)
My thoughts...ok, I'm overweight, but I know there are lots of people bigger than me that have healthy babies all the time. Ok, I'm over 35, but this isn't the Middle Ages for cripe's sake. What about that woman who had twins at freaking 60! Ok, I have hypertension, but before I got pregnant it wasn't considered terribly bad and was controlled through medication (a rather low doseage, I might add).
Before getting pregnant, I even talked with a doctor who later became my perinatologist to make sure I wasn't putting myself at risk by getting pregnant. He pretty much told me what I was thinking, but it was good to get confirmation.
There are benefits to being considered high risk. I didn't have to wait until I was 8 weeks pregnant to see a doctor for the first time. I got my first doc visit and an ultrasound at 6 weeks and an ultrasound every time I went in to see the OB until the heartbeat was able to be heard on a handheld Doppler. I got a Level 2 ultrasound at 12 weeks as well as a blood test to start screening for genetic anamolies. That came with lots of pictures and a cd of even more pictures. I got another Level 2 ultrasound at 17 weeks as well as another blood test to continue the screening. We found out the sex of the baby at 17 weeks instead of having to wait until 20 weeks like the "normies." I feel I'm getting really good care and I'm grateful for that.
Drawbacks of this high risk label: I have to go see my regular OBGYN every two flipping weeks because of my high blood pressure. I've already had to double the doseage of my bp med, which is unusual. Normally your blood pressure drops on it's own during the second trimester. I guess this isn't really a drawback, because everytime I go in there I get to pee in a cup and hear the baby's heartbeat (not at the same time, of course). It's just tiresome going in every 2 weeks.
At yesterday's appointment, my bp was 130/90. Considering it was 135/98 before the meds were doubled, I guess that's movement in the right direction.
6.06.2007
Smelly
Ok, I know the pregnant woman is especially sensitive to smells. I know that and I thought most pregnant women knew that? I can forgive the over-perfumed elevator ride sharer who about gassed me into unconsciousness the other day. She probably didn't think about that cloud of noxious fumes while applying her eau de toilette with a heavy hand that morning.
But other pregnant women? Don't they know better?
While waiting at Fetal Diagnostics the other day, a woman whooshed by me on her way to the check in counter. I thought for sure I was having some sort of life threatening event as I sat there gasping for air. Come to think of it, she was probably in her third trimester. Maybe this over sensitivity to smell disappears later on in pregnancy?
I'll have to stop myself from smelling other pregnant women to test that theory. Lord knows there's a ton of them out there right now. I can't walk down the street to get lunch without seeing at least four or five of them. I guess it's similar to when you get a new car. Suddenly EVERYONE is driving the same car as you.
But other pregnant women? Don't they know better?
While waiting at Fetal Diagnostics the other day, a woman whooshed by me on her way to the check in counter. I thought for sure I was having some sort of life threatening event as I sat there gasping for air. Come to think of it, she was probably in her third trimester. Maybe this over sensitivity to smell disappears later on in pregnancy?
I'll have to stop myself from smelling other pregnant women to test that theory. Lord knows there's a ton of them out there right now. I can't walk down the street to get lunch without seeing at least four or five of them. I guess it's similar to when you get a new car. Suddenly EVERYONE is driving the same car as you.
6.05.2007
Catching Up
Yes, I know I’ve been gone. Something major happened, but not something I wanted to discuss via the internet yet. It has become all consuming and the center of my life. No, I haven’t joined Scientology. But before we get into that, a brief recap of what’s been happening for the last three months or however long it’s been since I last blogged.
The move went fine. I ended up sick the Saturday of the move, but the firm had sent enough people out to help that nary a step was missed. I came into work on Sunday to unpack my personal crap and by Monday everything was up and for the most part running smoothly. That was the least stressful move ever. Yay, firm!
I’m sure there were some funny computer user stories in there somewhere, but silly me didn’t think to write about them at the time and my memory just ain’t what it used to be.
I had a birthday in there somewhere and celebrated with lovely friends and family repeatedly. BirthDAY, my butt…try birthMONTH! Party on, Wayne.
I had a car accident. More like I was a victim of yet another stupid driver in Hawaii. I have a Honda CR-V and the offender had a Toyota Yaris (read: no bigger than a breadbox). Somehow she didn’t see me signaling to change lanes, and after I was already more than 50% into my new lane, sideswiped and slid down the length of the passenger side of my car. Nice. She then proceeded to get out of her car complaining of wrist pain. If I had my way, that would have been the least of her worries. I played along and called the cops and acted nice. The insurance companies decided we were equally at fault. Somehow I ended up making money out of the deal. I’d tell you how, but I don’t want to be investigated for insurance fraud. Deep down I blame this incident on my husband. He decided to change the theater we were supposed to meet up at after work and neglected to inform me. Lured by the thought of big sweaty muscled men in leather underwears, I was driving a bit fast (we were going to see “300”). It took two trips to the body shop, but now my car is back to its former glory.
We just got back from the mainland. We managed (or I did, I left almost a week before hubby did) to visit six cities in two states in two weeks. WTH. I don’t know why they call it vacation. You’re busy as hell but you just don’t go to work. I think I’ve pretty much recovered from the trip, but only time will tell.
On a flight from Honolulu to LA, I sat next to an 8 year old girl and her 12 year old brother. She wasn’t too much of a bother, at least not to me. The woman in the seat in front of her may have a different opinion. Anyway, she was talking to her brother…
Girl: “I just don’t understand why there are so many terrorists in Hawaii.”
Brother: *blink blink* … *blank stare*… “Do you mean tourists?”
Girl, with a wave of her hand: “Terrorists, tourists…whatever.”
About half an hour later…
Girl: “Are we taking the space shuttle home from the airport?”
Brother: *blink blink* “Do you mean the Super Shuttle?”
Girl: “Space shuttle, Super shuttle…whatever.”
Pesky words.
So, you’re probably wondering what all that mumbo jumbo at the beginning of this entry was about. Now that all the friends, family and coworkers know (not that coworkers know about this blog…I’d like to keep my job), I guess I can put it out there in cyberspace. I’m pregnant. And yesterday we found out that we’re having a little girl. I’m due November 13th, so as of today I am 17 weeks along. The pregnancy has been quite interesting, seeing as I’ve never done this before and had no clue what I was getting myself into. I won’t bore you with the first trimester slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Suffice it to say I am so very glad to be in my second trimester and returning to some semblance of normalcy, if you don’t count the expanding waistline and new wardrobe.I have a friend who is also pregnant right now. She’s about a week behind me, but she's done this before. I think she repressed it though, because she asks me questions.
I’m an information gatherer and avid researcher, so my doctors (I have about half a dozen of them right now as I am considered a high risk pregnancy – they aren’t all pregnancy related, though) don’t really know what to make of me. I think they wonder why I even bother coming in to see them. I answer my own questions or ask them questions I already have the answers to, just to see if they agree with me.
Now you are up to date. I’ve been asked to keep better blogging habits and now that we’re all on the same page, I’ll do that. I’ll try not to bore you to tears with the minutiae of pregnancy, but it will be difficult since that seems to be the center of my universe right now. I will promise to leave out references to bodily functions (or at least veil them as much as possible, unless it’s funnier not to). I’ll think about posting some ultrasound pictures. Generally speaking, they freak me out.
Speaking of ultrasounds, I gave the u/s technician a hard time yesterday while we were trying to determine the gender of the baby. Of course, the baby wasn’t cooperating. It’s facing inward, kept moving around and had its little bitty legs crossed. Finally, the tech said it’s a girl, to which I replied, “The absence of a penis does not necessarily mean it’s a girl. I want to see her girl parts before I believe you.” She showed me the girl parts and even marked them with an arrow.
Besides, have you ever seen baby boy testicles?? They are HUGE. Very hard to miss.
The move went fine. I ended up sick the Saturday of the move, but the firm had sent enough people out to help that nary a step was missed. I came into work on Sunday to unpack my personal crap and by Monday everything was up and for the most part running smoothly. That was the least stressful move ever. Yay, firm!
I’m sure there were some funny computer user stories in there somewhere, but silly me didn’t think to write about them at the time and my memory just ain’t what it used to be.
I had a birthday in there somewhere and celebrated with lovely friends and family repeatedly. BirthDAY, my butt…try birthMONTH! Party on, Wayne.
I had a car accident. More like I was a victim of yet another stupid driver in Hawaii. I have a Honda CR-V and the offender had a Toyota Yaris (read: no bigger than a breadbox). Somehow she didn’t see me signaling to change lanes, and after I was already more than 50% into my new lane, sideswiped and slid down the length of the passenger side of my car. Nice. She then proceeded to get out of her car complaining of wrist pain. If I had my way, that would have been the least of her worries. I played along and called the cops and acted nice. The insurance companies decided we were equally at fault. Somehow I ended up making money out of the deal. I’d tell you how, but I don’t want to be investigated for insurance fraud. Deep down I blame this incident on my husband. He decided to change the theater we were supposed to meet up at after work and neglected to inform me. Lured by the thought of big sweaty muscled men in leather underwears, I was driving a bit fast (we were going to see “300”). It took two trips to the body shop, but now my car is back to its former glory.
We just got back from the mainland. We managed (or I did, I left almost a week before hubby did) to visit six cities in two states in two weeks. WTH. I don’t know why they call it vacation. You’re busy as hell but you just don’t go to work. I think I’ve pretty much recovered from the trip, but only time will tell.
On a flight from Honolulu to LA, I sat next to an 8 year old girl and her 12 year old brother. She wasn’t too much of a bother, at least not to me. The woman in the seat in front of her may have a different opinion. Anyway, she was talking to her brother…
Girl: “I just don’t understand why there are so many terrorists in Hawaii.”
Brother: *blink blink* … *blank stare*… “Do you mean tourists?”
Girl, with a wave of her hand: “Terrorists, tourists…whatever.”
About half an hour later…
Girl: “Are we taking the space shuttle home from the airport?”
Brother: *blink blink* “Do you mean the Super Shuttle?”
Girl: “Space shuttle, Super shuttle…whatever.”
Pesky words.
So, you’re probably wondering what all that mumbo jumbo at the beginning of this entry was about. Now that all the friends, family and coworkers know (not that coworkers know about this blog…I’d like to keep my job), I guess I can put it out there in cyberspace. I’m pregnant. And yesterday we found out that we’re having a little girl. I’m due November 13th, so as of today I am 17 weeks along. The pregnancy has been quite interesting, seeing as I’ve never done this before and had no clue what I was getting myself into. I won’t bore you with the first trimester slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Suffice it to say I am so very glad to be in my second trimester and returning to some semblance of normalcy, if you don’t count the expanding waistline and new wardrobe.I have a friend who is also pregnant right now. She’s about a week behind me, but she's done this before. I think she repressed it though, because she asks me questions.
I’m an information gatherer and avid researcher, so my doctors (I have about half a dozen of them right now as I am considered a high risk pregnancy – they aren’t all pregnancy related, though) don’t really know what to make of me. I think they wonder why I even bother coming in to see them. I answer my own questions or ask them questions I already have the answers to, just to see if they agree with me.
Now you are up to date. I’ve been asked to keep better blogging habits and now that we’re all on the same page, I’ll do that. I’ll try not to bore you to tears with the minutiae of pregnancy, but it will be difficult since that seems to be the center of my universe right now. I will promise to leave out references to bodily functions (or at least veil them as much as possible, unless it’s funnier not to). I’ll think about posting some ultrasound pictures. Generally speaking, they freak me out.
Speaking of ultrasounds, I gave the u/s technician a hard time yesterday while we were trying to determine the gender of the baby. Of course, the baby wasn’t cooperating. It’s facing inward, kept moving around and had its little bitty legs crossed. Finally, the tech said it’s a girl, to which I replied, “The absence of a penis does not necessarily mean it’s a girl. I want to see her girl parts before I believe you.” She showed me the girl parts and even marked them with an arrow.
Besides, have you ever seen baby boy testicles?? They are HUGE. Very hard to miss.
3.21.2007
So You Work With Computers Part III
Our office is about to embark on a relocation...a whopping three blocks away. Distance doesn't really matter when you move, does it? Any moving sucks.
Unlike the office move I had to do pretty much by myself at my previous company, the firm is flying out no less than a dozen people to assist. Some of these people are on the office admin side and some are on the technology side. They started arriving today.
Our first visitor is with the VoIP phone company that we use. He showed up, the receptionist instant messaged me to let me know he was here and I went out and introduced myself. We chit chatted and then I took him over to the new building, thinking the project manager was there. He wasn't. So we walked back in the rain. Upon our arrival at the old office, we decided to set him up in the conference room so he could get some work done while waiting for the project manager to show up.
He started stammering on and on about our proxies and firewalls (the software/hardware that controls your ability to reach the internet) and how his laptop is new and had never been in one of our offices. Could I go ask one of the guys in IT what the proxy settings are so he could remote into his company's network?
Did you read that last sentence carefully?
Being the effective (!) communicator that I am, I reiterated his request back to him to be sure we were on the same page.
He replied, "Yes, just go ask one of the guys in IT for the utility or what the proxy settings are. They'll know what I'm talking about. Just ask one of the guys in IT."
I stood there looking at him (again with the "you just arrived here from Mars look") and said:
"I AM the guy in IT."
Unlike the office move I had to do pretty much by myself at my previous company, the firm is flying out no less than a dozen people to assist. Some of these people are on the office admin side and some are on the technology side. They started arriving today.
Our first visitor is with the VoIP phone company that we use. He showed up, the receptionist instant messaged me to let me know he was here and I went out and introduced myself. We chit chatted and then I took him over to the new building, thinking the project manager was there. He wasn't. So we walked back in the rain. Upon our arrival at the old office, we decided to set him up in the conference room so he could get some work done while waiting for the project manager to show up.
He started stammering on and on about our proxies and firewalls (the software/hardware that controls your ability to reach the internet) and how his laptop is new and had never been in one of our offices. Could I go ask one of the guys in IT what the proxy settings are so he could remote into his company's network?
Did you read that last sentence carefully?
Being the effective (!) communicator that I am, I reiterated his request back to him to be sure we were on the same page.
He replied, "Yes, just go ask one of the guys in IT for the utility or what the proxy settings are. They'll know what I'm talking about. Just ask one of the guys in IT."
I stood there looking at him (again with the "you just arrived here from Mars look") and said:
"I AM the guy in IT."
3.14.2007
Dad Update
My mom called to tell me that my dad made it through the six hour surgery with flying colors. There was no evidence that the cancer had spread beyond the prostate, but we'll know for sure when we get the pathology results.
Big sigh of relief...
Big sigh of relief...
3.13.2007
So You Work With Computers Part II
It was decided that the tax department, due to their stationary nature and the kind of detail work they do, should have 19" monitors to supplement their puny laptop displays. Great idea, although it took some convincing on my part to get them to see that while they would give up desk space, they would gain "real estate" and not need as much desk space.
The displays finally show up and I set about installing them and giving the users orientation. Let's keep in mind here that this is to supplement the laptop display. Laptops are placed in a docking station, where all the cords and such plug into (including the monitor), so it's very simple, really.
After giving this particular user an orientation to his new set up, he turns to me and says:
"So, if I don't have my laptop, will the monitor and keyboard still work?"
I look at him like he's just dropped in from Mars. The trip from outerspace obviously deprived him of oxygen required for coherent thinking.
After a full minute of me staring at him like the village idiot that he is, he says "Oh, I guess not, huh?"
Ya think?
The displays finally show up and I set about installing them and giving the users orientation. Let's keep in mind here that this is to supplement the laptop display. Laptops are placed in a docking station, where all the cords and such plug into (including the monitor), so it's very simple, really.
After giving this particular user an orientation to his new set up, he turns to me and says:
"So, if I don't have my laptop, will the monitor and keyboard still work?"
I look at him like he's just dropped in from Mars. The trip from outerspace obviously deprived him of oxygen required for coherent thinking.
After a full minute of me staring at him like the village idiot that he is, he says "Oh, I guess not, huh?"
Ya think?
3.07.2007
Ok, ok...I'm still here!
Sorry about the lack of posting lately. I even had a nice one started and somehow it disappeared. Before I get too far into this latest missive, can someone PLEASE tell my why the archive section over there on the right says 2006? And the wrong month no less? I can't figure it out. Maybe it's another victim of the early Daylight Saving Time that's been forced upon us. Anyway...
What have I been up to? Let's see... hubby miraculously managed to not be included in the boat's latest six week underway/trip, so it's togetherness to the nth degree for the next two months or so. It's been nice having him home, especially last week when I was so sick I thought I was going to drown in my own mucus. Lovely thought, no? He came back home February 16th and as of that date had spent a whopping 8 days home the whole year. It's a nice change, but now we are trying to find a hobby or something to do together and my DVR is getting overloaded. And no, sex is not a hobby, as much as he may disagree.
Sunday my father departs for Seattle to go back to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center where he will be undergoing a prostatectomy that Tuesday. But this isn't your regular run of the mill surgery, noooo...this is cutting edge medicine done with a robot! The surgery should take approximately 6 hours due to the nerve sparing aspect of it. That's a lot of time on the table, but if it allows the patient to return to normal function, I suspect it will be worth it. Barring complications, he should be back in the 'aina the following Wednesday to start his month long recovery. Keep him in your thoughts if you would.
As you can see life has been rather uneventful lately. We're trying to figure out when our summer trip to the mainland will be and what Cali spots we'll be stopping at on the way to Nebraska and on the way back to Hawaii. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts with the boat's schedule and my stepdaughter's chock-full summer, it's looking like August this year and Nebraska in August is hotter than Dante's fourth circle of hell, so I'm not overly thrilled.
What have I been up to? Let's see... hubby miraculously managed to not be included in the boat's latest six week underway/trip, so it's togetherness to the nth degree for the next two months or so. It's been nice having him home, especially last week when I was so sick I thought I was going to drown in my own mucus. Lovely thought, no? He came back home February 16th and as of that date had spent a whopping 8 days home the whole year. It's a nice change, but now we are trying to find a hobby or something to do together and my DVR is getting overloaded. And no, sex is not a hobby, as much as he may disagree.
Sunday my father departs for Seattle to go back to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center where he will be undergoing a prostatectomy that Tuesday. But this isn't your regular run of the mill surgery, noooo...this is cutting edge medicine done with a robot! The surgery should take approximately 6 hours due to the nerve sparing aspect of it. That's a lot of time on the table, but if it allows the patient to return to normal function, I suspect it will be worth it. Barring complications, he should be back in the 'aina the following Wednesday to start his month long recovery. Keep him in your thoughts if you would.
As you can see life has been rather uneventful lately. We're trying to figure out when our summer trip to the mainland will be and what Cali spots we'll be stopping at on the way to Nebraska and on the way back to Hawaii. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts with the boat's schedule and my stepdaughter's chock-full summer, it's looking like August this year and Nebraska in August is hotter than Dante's fourth circle of hell, so I'm not overly thrilled.
2.15.2007
Everything Ends
Last night marked the end of my journey with "Six Feet Under." For those of you who have been living under a rock or in a coma for the last six years, 6FU was a series on HBO that followed the Fisher family. The Fishers are Funeral Directors. Almost every episode started with a death that would end up at their doors. There was all kinds of other drama for the family - relationships, deaths of their loved ones, life decisions, etc., but there was this constant presence of death in their lives. Not to mention the fallout of growing up in a funeral home.
Let me back up a minute here. After my father was diagnosed with what we thought was metastasized prostate cancer, I started preparing myself for his untimely demise. I became a little obsessed with death on some level and remembered hearing about a series called "Dead Like Me." This was shortly after starting my Netflix subscription, so I did a search and read the synopsis. Through the marvel of technology it began arriving at my door a short time later. I am a dark person by nature, with a dry sense of humor and a well-honed edge of sarcasm. I like dark and quirky comedies and "DLM" fit the bill wonderfully. It was about an 18 year old girl who dies unexpectedly and becomes a Grim Reaper - someone who has to escort other people through death to the other side. I'm going to assume that you clicked on the link above and read the synopsis, so I don't have to fill you in here.
In an effort to make sense of - and possibly make peace with - my own mortality and the mortality of those around me, I moved on to 6FU after finishing DLM. Now, I'm not going to sit here like some weirdo and tell you these shows changed my life, but they kind of did. It was like being faced with death presented with humor and a certain practicality has allowed me to come to terms with it. I'm not saying I'm ok with death. I'm not - it sucks. But it's part of life and a commonality we all share, some sooner than others.
Somehow or another this preoccupation with death, not the sensationalized mass murder of a slasher film or video game, but the quiet inevitability of it has made me a bit more cognizant of how I live my life. Everything ends, according to the aptly named soundtrack for 6FU, and even if I'm halfway there, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.
And put some comedies in my Netflix queue.
Let me back up a minute here. After my father was diagnosed with what we thought was metastasized prostate cancer, I started preparing myself for his untimely demise. I became a little obsessed with death on some level and remembered hearing about a series called "Dead Like Me." This was shortly after starting my Netflix subscription, so I did a search and read the synopsis. Through the marvel of technology it began arriving at my door a short time later. I am a dark person by nature, with a dry sense of humor and a well-honed edge of sarcasm. I like dark and quirky comedies and "DLM" fit the bill wonderfully. It was about an 18 year old girl who dies unexpectedly and becomes a Grim Reaper - someone who has to escort other people through death to the other side. I'm going to assume that you clicked on the link above and read the synopsis, so I don't have to fill you in here.
In an effort to make sense of - and possibly make peace with - my own mortality and the mortality of those around me, I moved on to 6FU after finishing DLM. Now, I'm not going to sit here like some weirdo and tell you these shows changed my life, but they kind of did. It was like being faced with death presented with humor and a certain practicality has allowed me to come to terms with it. I'm not saying I'm ok with death. I'm not - it sucks. But it's part of life and a commonality we all share, some sooner than others.
Somehow or another this preoccupation with death, not the sensationalized mass murder of a slasher film or video game, but the quiet inevitability of it has made me a bit more cognizant of how I live my life. Everything ends, according to the aptly named soundtrack for 6FU, and even if I'm halfway there, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.
And put some comedies in my Netflix queue.
2.06.2007
Self-Flagellation As A Pastime Activity
I watch a lot of movies. I watch a lot of tv on dvd because I like watching stuff all bunched up together. I watch too much tv, I admit. Last night I couldn't sleep so I watched The Da Vinci Code. This was the second time I attempted to watch this movie...this time I actually made it through to the end. The book was better, but I digress.
I'm sitting there watching that creepy monk-dude Silas beat the sh!t out of himself with a cat o'nine tails or whatever it is and thinking "Man, that's stupid." Today as I was beating myself up about something (as I often do, more than once a day) and I realized I was a practitioner of that creepy ritual. Not physically, of course, but mentally. Man, that's stupid.
Now, I know we all do this from time to time, but I have a highly specialized habit of setting expectations way too high just so I can come up short and beat myself up about it. I also like to think for other people so they can help me. By this I mean I somehow astrally project myself into someone else's mind and find all the horrible things they think about me - how I look, how I act, how I manifest some weird personal tic. Why beat up myself by myself. I can get someone else in on the action, too. It's a party!
Let's take roll call, shall we, of the top contenders in the litany of self-flagellation:
I'm fat.
I'm mean.
I'm impatient.
I'm lazy.
I'm stupid.
I'm not emotionally available.
I've been having "a long talk with Self" as my dear friend calls it and decided that after 35 years, it's time to break this habit. These tapes, as my therapist calls them, are worn out and have been unpopular for quite some time now. So unpopular, in fact, they are actually on vinyl.
The New Philosophy
This brings us to HT's new philosophy for the second half of this lifetime program (not to be confused with programs on Lifetime: TV for Women in Constant Distress): The "More Often Than Not" philosophy. In this philosophy, if I am doing something good for myself more often than not, I'm not allowed to beat myself up about it. For instance:
I'm fat : Well, guess what, lady, you're not the only one and you didn't get here overnight. So as long as you are eating healthy and exercising more often than not, you don't get to crap on yourself about this anymore.
I'm mean: Yeah, well, we all have our moments. As long as they are just moments and not a steady stream of anti-social outward behavior, you're not that bad.
You get the drift.
This does lead me to wonder what I am going to do with all the extra time on my hands now that I can't engage in self-flagellation as a pastime activity.
I'm sitting there watching that creepy monk-dude Silas beat the sh!t out of himself with a cat o'nine tails or whatever it is and thinking "Man, that's stupid." Today as I was beating myself up about something (as I often do, more than once a day) and I realized I was a practitioner of that creepy ritual. Not physically, of course, but mentally. Man, that's stupid.
Now, I know we all do this from time to time, but I have a highly specialized habit of setting expectations way too high just so I can come up short and beat myself up about it. I also like to think for other people so they can help me. By this I mean I somehow astrally project myself into someone else's mind and find all the horrible things they think about me - how I look, how I act, how I manifest some weird personal tic. Why beat up myself by myself. I can get someone else in on the action, too. It's a party!
Let's take roll call, shall we, of the top contenders in the litany of self-flagellation:
I'm fat.
I'm mean.
I'm impatient.
I'm lazy.
I'm stupid.
I'm not emotionally available.
I've been having "a long talk with Self" as my dear friend calls it and decided that after 35 years, it's time to break this habit. These tapes, as my therapist calls them, are worn out and have been unpopular for quite some time now. So unpopular, in fact, they are actually on vinyl.
The New Philosophy
This brings us to HT's new philosophy for the second half of this lifetime program (not to be confused with programs on Lifetime: TV for Women in Constant Distress): The "More Often Than Not" philosophy. In this philosophy, if I am doing something good for myself more often than not, I'm not allowed to beat myself up about it. For instance:
I'm fat : Well, guess what, lady, you're not the only one and you didn't get here overnight. So as long as you are eating healthy and exercising more often than not, you don't get to crap on yourself about this anymore.
I'm mean: Yeah, well, we all have our moments. As long as they are just moments and not a steady stream of anti-social outward behavior, you're not that bad.
You get the drift.
This does lead me to wonder what I am going to do with all the extra time on my hands now that I can't engage in self-flagellation as a pastime activity.
2.05.2007
So You Work With Computers
This is what people say when I tell them what I do. Yes, I work with computers...or should I say I work ON computers. But that isn't what my job is really about. And sometimes I wonder if I have any business at all in this career field.
For those of you playing the home version, I work in Technology Support. Sounds like I support technology, doesn't it? No, I support people who, in many cases, have no business getting close to anything more complex than a pocket calculator. I really try very hard not to be that stereotypical support person...the guy on SNL that spits technology gobbeldygook at you for two minutes then gets irritated by the blank look on your face and demands you "mmmoooooove." I understand you all don't have a background in technology and for some of you, it's a new and scary world of things you can't/won't/don't understand. I really do try to hold on to that, but sometimes it's very hard.
My patience is especially thin when people are given explicit direction and decide to take the complete opposite path anyway. Not only do they have no remorse for what they've done (practically on purpose), but have little patience when the fix for their ill-conceived problem takes more than 30 seconds.
The company I work for (we'll call them XYZ Co.) uses Instant Messenging as a big part of communication. It's great because you don't have to stop what you are doing to answer the phone. You can continue playing solitaire and surfing stock prices while you are helping a customer. (I don't do that mind you, but I know there are those out there that do.) My company is big on IM etiquette, and etiquette in general, so for the most part, people check to see if you have a moment before they spend half an hour typing out a monologue of their most recent problem at at whopping 6 w.p.m. I'm sure I'll have a rant on that some other time. Movin' on...
XYZ is in the tax preparation business (among other business lines) and instead of bothering the people who have to work on client-related issues that help put food on the table and Luis Vutton bags on our arms, they have graciously offered to reimburse us for the cost of tax preparation software. They sent out an email to everyone stating that along with the explicit instruction that the aformentioned tax prep software IS NOT TO BE LOADED ONTO COMPANY COMPUTERS. This is because we (not me personally, but the big dudes higher up and farther away) build the set of programs that are loaded onto the PCs and rigorously test them to ensure they all play well together. Introducing something new and untested into that controlled environment is not recommended and is called breaking the loadset. This is bad. Very bad.
User: "Hi, HT."
Me: "Hi, User."
User: "I got the blue screen this morning."
For those of who somehow have not had the pleasure of having a Windows-based operating system, the user is referring to the BSOD - Blue Screen of Death. You get this when there is something horribly and irreparably wrong with your computer. Or whenever it feels like giving you a mild cardiac event for absolutely no reason at all.
Me: "Sorry to hear that. Have there been any changes to your system lately?"
User: "No."
I then spend the time explaining to User how to help me help her by capturing the exact message the BSOD is giving her instead of it rebooting seemingly inexplicably.
User: "Oh, I installed ________ (insert favorite tax preparation software du jour here). Do you think that might be the problem?"
This means User read the memo that outlined the reimbursement policy, probably figured out the reimbursement code for her expense report and chose to ignore the part that said DO NOT LOAD SOFTWARE ONTO YOUR COMPANY COMPUTER.
*sigh*
For those of you playing the home version, I work in Technology Support. Sounds like I support technology, doesn't it? No, I support people who, in many cases, have no business getting close to anything more complex than a pocket calculator. I really try very hard not to be that stereotypical support person...the guy on SNL that spits technology gobbeldygook at you for two minutes then gets irritated by the blank look on your face and demands you "mmmoooooove." I understand you all don't have a background in technology and for some of you, it's a new and scary world of things you can't/won't/don't understand. I really do try to hold on to that, but sometimes it's very hard.
My patience is especially thin when people are given explicit direction and decide to take the complete opposite path anyway. Not only do they have no remorse for what they've done (practically on purpose), but have little patience when the fix for their ill-conceived problem takes more than 30 seconds.
The company I work for (we'll call them XYZ Co.) uses Instant Messenging as a big part of communication. It's great because you don't have to stop what you are doing to answer the phone. You can continue playing solitaire and surfing stock prices while you are helping a customer. (I don't do that mind you, but I know there are those out there that do.) My company is big on IM etiquette, and etiquette in general, so for the most part, people check to see if you have a moment before they spend half an hour typing out a monologue of their most recent problem at at whopping 6 w.p.m. I'm sure I'll have a rant on that some other time. Movin' on...
XYZ is in the tax preparation business (among other business lines) and instead of bothering the people who have to work on client-related issues that help put food on the table and Luis Vutton bags on our arms, they have graciously offered to reimburse us for the cost of tax preparation software. They sent out an email to everyone stating that along with the explicit instruction that the aformentioned tax prep software IS NOT TO BE LOADED ONTO COMPANY COMPUTERS. This is because we (not me personally, but the big dudes higher up and farther away) build the set of programs that are loaded onto the PCs and rigorously test them to ensure they all play well together. Introducing something new and untested into that controlled environment is not recommended and is called breaking the loadset. This is bad. Very bad.
User: "Hi, HT."
Me: "Hi, User."
User: "I got the blue screen this morning."
For those of who somehow have not had the pleasure of having a Windows-based operating system, the user is referring to the BSOD - Blue Screen of Death. You get this when there is something horribly and irreparably wrong with your computer. Or whenever it feels like giving you a mild cardiac event for absolutely no reason at all.
Me: "Sorry to hear that. Have there been any changes to your system lately?"
User: "No."
I then spend the time explaining to User how to help me help her by capturing the exact message the BSOD is giving her instead of it rebooting seemingly inexplicably.
User: "Oh, I installed ________ (insert favorite tax preparation software du jour here). Do you think that might be the problem?"
This means User read the memo that outlined the reimbursement policy, probably figured out the reimbursement code for her expense report and chose to ignore the part that said DO NOT LOAD SOFTWARE ONTO YOUR COMPANY COMPUTER.
*sigh*
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